One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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