just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
