He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
