we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
