You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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