I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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