If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
