My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There are leaves in my underwear?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
