Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
