this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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