im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize