You smell like stripper and shame
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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