but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it because I queefed?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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