i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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