I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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