...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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