do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
