This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything