Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
