It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.