It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.