you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
