I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
