did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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