mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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