please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
