I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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