A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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