hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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