So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
