Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
