If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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