how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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