Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
