the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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