I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
