I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
