I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
