Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
