Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
