Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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