..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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