i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
