I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
