I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We need to get me chipped asap
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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