No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
