I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
