You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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