If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
