it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
