Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
