Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
