I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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