I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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