____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
