After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
