I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
