yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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