bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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