He told me they were just razor bumps!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
