oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We are all done wearing pants today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
