FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
