i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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