i permit you to call me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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