**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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