I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
