I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
