his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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