Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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