sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize