He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
