so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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