for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
