Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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