their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
