I cockslap morals
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
