if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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