i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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