my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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