So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
