If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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