so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
