I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
