he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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